SEX
SECRETS OF AN AMERICAN GEISHA
AN INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR PY KIM-CONTANT
Do geishas know something about attracting and keeping men
that normal women don't?In her controversial
and sometimes outrageous book, PY Conant reveals how she had
a sexual awakening and used geisha-like tactics to find her
man and keep him satisfied.
Is this book a groundbreaking work of feminist literature?
or, will feminists around the world be fuming after reading
why old-fashioned ways are sometimes better than progressive
ones?
Seoulstyle
interviewed PY to ask her about the controversy surrounding
her book.
Q:
What inspired you to write this book?
A: I was first inspired to write this book almost five years
ago, when several of my single girlfriends asked me for tips
about how they, too, could find and marry a Good Man. I thought
that if I could help them, perhaps I could help even more
women by writing a book. I had already published three books
in Korean, so it didn’t seem too outrageous that I might
able to publish one in English. So, I started writing and
began to do some research, including starting a Korean Wives
Club for Korean women married to American men. Part of my
research was to read about the Japanese geisha and her Korean
counterpart, the kisaeng. Over time I came to realize that
much of what I was writing about could be related to what
I came to call the Asian Geisha. The popularity of the Memoirs
of a Geisha book and the impending movie further convinced
me that I could reach lots of women with my helpful tips about
sex and getting married if I positioned myself as the first
American Geisha Older Sister, offering my suggestions to my
readers (my Younger Sisters) so that they, too, could become
American Geisha in pursuit of love and marriage in their lives.
Q: What aspects of
your book would you like to emphasize?
A: In priority order:
1. Sex tips to help you to marry your “Good Man”
within 12-to-18 months.
2. Sex tips to help you to add passion and love to your existing
marriage.
3. Expand your sexual experience with the female ejaculation
orgasm.
4. Only date, have sex with, and marry a “Good Man”;
and defining a “Good Man.”
5. Lose weight to achieve your best weight with the American
Geisha Plan (not a diet).
6. Give your Good Man credit for your orgasm and create a
shrine to his manhood in your bedroom.
Q: What specific needs will your book address and what benefits
does it offer each reader you described?
1. The need for help to get married; the benefit: a 12-to-18-month
marriage plan
2. The need to avoid wrong men; the benefit: defining a Good
Man; and how to attract him
3. The need to be more fully sexual; the benefit: becoming
a female ejaculator
4. The need to be more feminine and beautiful; the benefit:
how to be more feminine and what to do to be more beautiful
5. The need to get to your best weight; the benefit: a weight
loss plan (not another diet)
6. The need to know what to say to men; the benefit: specific
phrases for all situations outside and inside the bedroom
7. The need to understand men; the benefit: finding out how
men think and what they want
8. The need to feel good about yourself; the benefit: exactly
what to do and say to feel good about yourself
Q: How did you acquire
your sexual knowledge?
A: My reading taught me some new things about sex, then with
my Good Man husband (who is 20 years older) I was able to
express my sexuality more fully, and he gave me advice and
tips on how I could be more beautiful, feminine, and sexy.
As well, my internet and other research, the self-help books
when I was trying so hard to get married, and the geisha and
Japanese sex worker books, led me to authors who brought me
even more knowledge, including the fact of the female ejaculation,
which I had heard of but didn’t really believe. So,
my credibility comes from my own experiences, the books that
I read, the internet and other research that I did with about
four hundred men and women, and my husband’s tips over
the last 7 years.
Q: What’s the reason that you focus on sex?
A: When I was young I was always heavy and thought that that
was something I couldn’t do anything about, it was just
my body type. And when I grew up all I had was these long-distance
relationships where the men were hardly ever there, while
I always felt sexual but didn’t have a man around. And
none of them---not one--- told me I was pretty. Then Rich
came along and told me I was sexy and pretty and encouraged
me that I could lose weight. And I lost 40 pounds and got
prettier, thinner, and happier. I’m 4’9”
and 90 pounds now and having a great, happy sex life which
I believe---from my personal experience---is an important
part of anyone’s full and happy life.
Q: Was there any one event that inspired you to change your
life?
A: At 35 I had a bad break-up with a man after five years,
five years during which he never said I was pretty or that
he loved me. After the break-up, I finally decided that I
had to do something about my situation. I set a goal and wrote
an action plan to get married by 40. I read more than 50 books
about sex, dating and relationships, including John Gray’s
“Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus,”
“The Rules,” and “The Joy of Sex.”
Then, I created my own dating rules and I used them with my
next boyfriend, who later became my husband.
Q: Prior to writing
your book, did you have experience covering sex/advice?
A: My previous experience e in sex-advice writing was in Korean.
However, when I submitted the book for publication in Korea,
the major publishers indicated it was a "troubling"
book, with one publisher saying that only "ten years
later it would be possible to publish such a sex book."
Q: This book isn’t
very politically correct, is it?
A: No, it is not. I am often writing in my book in a politically
incorrect way. I have to be honest, frank, even outrageous
with the reader in this book. I can’t try to cover my
little ass, saying politically correct things so that no one
gets upset. I am not P.C. (Politically Correct), but I am
P.C. (Practically Correct) in the book, advising women to
do what works, what is practical, what makes you more beautiful,
sexy, and feminine, in order to attract and keep your own
masculine Good Man.
In my book, I deal approvingly of some Asian Geisha stereotypes
if I find them helpful. I tell women to be thin not fat, pretty
not plain, accepting not confrontational, definitely. I tell
them that in relationship men are simple, visual, sexual beings
who will do most anything to make you happy when you make
them sexually happy.
As much as I happily accept some useful stereotypes of Asian
Geisha and other women, if other stereotypes are not useful,
I’ll encourage readers to ignore or change them in their
thinking or actions, as I did. However, strict feminists will
hate my outrageous ideas and feminine and sexy tips to attract
men. An American Geisha is not a strict feminist. However,
if you are, at heart, a woman who values, is comfortable with,
and wants to operate out of her femininity, then this book
will resonate with you. I’m not a feminist. Rather,
I’m a feminine-ist, a woman who operates in her romantic
life out of the proud, sexy, feminine side of herself. I’m
a happy, feminine woman who likes happy, masculine men.
Q: How did you conduct your internet research?
A: In order to find single men and women, with my husband’s
permission I joined a dating and friends network site, “AsiaFriendFinder.com”
(with over 5 million members) and its affiliate groups, AdultFriendFinder,
SeniorFriendFinder, FriendFinder, and KoreanFriendFinder.
I used two ways to conduct my internet research. First, I
got individual personal responses by exchanging emails. Second,
I posted articles on a Discussion Board and encouraged, then
monitored, responses.
Q: Why should women read and use this book?
A: I believe women are feminine, hot, and sexy ladies, right
now. But perhaps, like me, they have not been in touch with
or expressed this side of themselves very well or very much.
They can, though. We all can be American Geisha. All of us
have the potential to be the hot, sexy, beautiful, feminine
lovers and wives who will attract, satisfy, and keep our men
attracted to us and in love with us forever. The goal of this
book is not just to help women to become more feminine and
sexy in order to get married, but to go beyond that to help
them both to keep their husband’s happy and to be happy
wives, forever.
In Japan the experienced geisha pairs with a geisha in training
through a ritual that bonds them as Older Sister and Younger
Sister. As the first American Geisha I want to bond to each
reader to help her as her Older Sister to learn the ways of
the Asian Geisha, and to become, herself, an American Geisha.
The reader will explore the feminine and sexy secrets of the
East from what I call a Geisha Consciousness, an awareness
of how importantly a woman’s beauty, femininity, and
sexuality are related to a happy relationship with her man.
As a woman reads and practices the secrets of this book, she
will become, more and more, an American Geisha, an incredibly
feminine, sexy woman who will attract, satisfy, and keep her
Good Man.
For single women who want to be married soon, this book will
represent an important goal, showing the way to the destination
she is heading for when she starts looking for a man: love,
marriage, and sexual surrender to her man. I will share feminine,
hot, sexy Asian Geisha secrets that can really help her to
reach marriage to her Good Man within the next 12-to-18 months.
Q: Doesn’t your approach make a woman too submissive
to what a man wants?
A: In circulating chapters of my manuscript for feedback,
I sometimes was told that my advice made a woman too “submissive”
to a man or to men generally. I can understand that point
of view, but I still disagree with it. My advice simply accepts
the truth about (most) men:
• Men are visual and love beauty in a woman;
• Men are sexual and love sexiness in a woman;
• Men are masculine and love femininity in a woman.
By making herself beautiful, sexy, and feminine for potential
Good Men, a woman is only being “submissive” or
“surrendering” to the realities of men and women
and to what it is that can help her to attract those Good
Men to her. I don’t want to be too defensive here. In
fact, rather than making a woman “submissive,”
I believe my advice empowers her. Beauty and a sexy femininity
tend to give a woman confidence, more power, and greater control
in finding love and marriage with a Good Man. Isn’t
this obvious? Beauty and a sexy femininity are a woman’s
allies, her friends in seeking the happiness of love and marriage
to a Good Man.
Q: What do you think about the whole process of finding and
marrying a man?
A: The whole process of, first, finding and marrying a man,
and then keeping your marriage alive and happy should be a
fun experience. I believe your Good Man is a man who is optimistic
and happy about his life. And I believe the woman should also
look at life optimistically and happily. So, if you are not
really optimistic and happy about your life now, work on improving
that situation before pursuing love and marriage. Neither
spouse should be either pessimistic or unhappy; in fact, people
with such downer characteristics shouldn’t be dates
or friends. Seek more optimistic, happy people to get close
to in your life.
Q:
You’re a middle school teacher; how could you have written
such a sexual book?
No matter what your job or profession might be, I believe
all women have the potential to be very physical, sexual animals
who enjoy and participate fully in their sexual lives with
their Good Men. I wrote this book for all women: teachers,
businesswomen, nurses, waitresses, secretaries, managers,
students, truckers (there are a few women), models, custodians,
administrators, clerks, even the non-working and the retired.
What women do for living doesn’t matter at all, neither
as a reader nor as the author of this book.
Q: Really now, aren’t
you ashamed to have written such an x-rated book?
I am proud and happy to have written such a direct and honest
book full of practical, sometimes x-rated advice for the woman
who wants to be in love and married to a Good Man. What you
call the x-rated parts of my book are the sections about knowing
your own sexual body intimately (through masturbation) and
knowing how to increase your orgasmic options and pleasures
(through female ejaculation). I believe both of these areas
are critically important to a woman’s total happiness
in her life, and are not dealt with frankly and openly enough
in the literature of love and relationships.
Q:
Your advice seems too submissive, asking women to be the old
version of “A lady in the livingroom and a whore in
the bedroom.”
I reveal
both the feminine and sexy secrets of the bedchamber, the
mysteries of physical love that will bond your Good Man to
you, and those from outside the bedchamber, which will first
attract him to you. But even more fundamental to understanding
the geisha than knowing her talents in bed or out, is an understanding
of her way of looking at the male-female relationship, what
I call her Geisha Consciousness, her awarenss of the power
of her beauty and sexy femininity in her relationships with
men.
We American
women need to have a particular attitude toward our men, similar
to the attitude of the Asian Geisha toward her men. The greatest
of all American Geisha sex secrets that the feminine, sexy
woman, Asian or non-Asian, has the mentality of a geisha who
focuses her energies on attracting, satisfying, and keeping
her man/men happy and in love with her.
Q:
Doesn’t your approach make a woman too submissive to
what a man wants?
A: I don’t want to be too defensive here. In fact, rather
than making a woman “submissive,” I believe my
advice empowers her. Beauty and a sexy femininity tend to
give a woman confidence, more power, and greater control in
finding love and marriage with a Good Man. Isn’t this
obvious? Beauty and a sexy femininity are a woman’s
allies, her friends in seeking the happiness of love and marriage
to a Good Man.
My advice
simply accepts the truth about (most) men:
• Men are visual and love beauty in a woman;
• Men are sexual and love sexiness in a woman;
• Men are masculine and love femininity in a woman.
By making herself beautiful, sexy, and feminine for potential
Good Men, a woman is only being “submissive” or
“surrendering” to the realities of men and women
and to what it is that can help her to attract those Good
Men to her.
Q:
Don’t you stereotype Asian women with your emphasis
on femininity?
Even as I happily accept some useful stereotypes of Asian
women and other women, if other stereotypes are not useful,
I’ll encourage you to ignore or change them in your
thinking or actions, as I did. In my book I deal approvingly
with some Asian women stereotypes if I find them helpful.
I’ll tell you to be thin not fat, pretty not plain,
accepting not confrontational. I’ll tell you that in
relationships men are simple, visual, sexual beings who will
do most anything to make you happy when you make them sexually
happy.
I explore
the feminine and sexy secrets of the East from what I call
a Geisha Consciousness, an awareness of how important a woman’s
beauty, femininity, and sexuality are to a happy relationship
with her man. They are empowering and helpful in pursuing
love and marriage with a Good Man. I advise my readers to
do what works, what is practical, what makes you more beautiful,
sexy, and feminine in order to attract and keep your own masculine
Good Man.
Q:
Are you speaking against feminists? You emphasize femininity
in your book and tell the reader that strict feminists will
be upset with you.
As much as some feminists may have problems with me, I have
no problems with feminists. I am both a feminist and a feminine
woman; I see no reason for having to choose one or the other.
All women need the feminist backbone that can allow them to
be feminine without being weak or passive, to be nice without
being taken advantage of.
An American
Geisha is not a strict feminist, except in the world of work
and career. The American Geisha develops within herself a
comfortable balance between feminist and feminine-ist qualities.
In the world of love and romance, I suggest that you shift
your perspective to that of a feminine-ist, a woman who values,
loves, and wants to operate out of her femininity. In a sense,
in your work world you must insist upon being treated like
“one of the boys,” treated equally with the men.
However, in your personal world, you do not want to be one
of the boys. You want to be very different from the boys,
very feminine in contrast to their masculinity. You are a
feminist while making a living, and a feminine-ist while making
(or seeking) love. As a feminist, compete fairly with men
at work; then, come home and attract men to you as a feminine-ist.
The feminist asserts herself as a person, while the feminine-ist
asserts herself as a woman. We women need to do both.
Q:
Are you asking women to be the Stepford Wives clones, totally
passive women who do whatever their men want?
I do not suggest at all that women become some idealized stereotype
of “feminine.” In The Stepford Wives, which was
a novel and a movie in the 1970s and remade as a movie in
2004, all of the wives in the town of Stepford are incredibly
feminine (they do aerobics in high heels, for instance), but
also incredibly passive and dominated by their husbands. As
two new arrivals to town (Nicole Kidman and Bette Midler in
the 2004 version) eventually learn, all the other “wives”
are, in fact, robotic clones created at the husbands’
request to replace their assertive wives. In contrast, I want
your femininity to be an individual, unique expression of
who you really are, a femininity that represents you being
more of yourself, not less, not a homogenized, soulless, robotic
slave that devotes yourself totally to your Stepford husband.
No Good Woman American Geisha would want to be that robotic
woman; nor would any truly Good Man want to be with a woman
who is not her own real, happy, individual self.
To buy
Sex Secrets of an American Geisha log onto:
SEX
SECRETS OF AN AMERICAN GEISHA
Q: What aspects of
your book would you like to emphasize?