|
 BY
JAKE YOO
When
I was a kid whenever I did anything wrong one of my mother's
favourite ways to tell me that I did something wrong was
to let me know in a semi-rhetorical way by saying, `What
will your future wife think if you behave like that?` Well
like any other 6 year-old my reply was, `Wife? Mom...give
me a break. I`m only 6 years old!`
My
whole life I`ve always found it amusing how Korean culture
revolves around marriage. I recall my childhood years when
our family would hang out with another Korean family, whose
kids were close in age to me and my sister and brother.
My parents, in typical Korean fashion, would openly half-jokingly
talk with their friends in front of us about how it is destined
that we kids will end up marrying each other, my sister
to marry their son, the king of bullies,and I to marry their
daughter, a cute double-dimpled girl. The sound of which
at the time made me just scoff aloud, `Ewww, girls...` As
we aged, I started to think that the deal wasn`t half-bad,
as with puberty this girl started turning into a fox. Unfortunately
for my hormone infused body and mind, my parents decided
to sever the family friendship based on some squabble, based
on their son beating me and my brother up. It wasn`t until
a few years back in some random lounge in Toronto that I
ran into the same cute girl, dimples and all. While in an
inebriated state I ended up reminiscing with her about the
good old days about when we were supposed to get married
and all. Well, `Ah-hem...we're older now,` was my not-so
witty line. In any case, too bad for her as I found out
that she was already engaged to some chump.
Well
I`m no longer 6 years old, and I still hear the `marriage`
words coming from my parents quite often. I`m proud to say
that I`m holding out though for `the one`, and I`m far from
desperate. I find myself much pickier these days, as I typically
get tangled up in the 1-to-3 date routine, waiting for the
non-existent chemistry to surface. In any case, I`m still
plugging away, figuring that I`ll at the least have my cake
and eat it too.
Being
in Korea just intensifies the `hooking-up` pressure, as
it seems baked into the culture. The `M` word seems to be
ingrained into most girls minds here, as the dating experiences
that I`ve had seemed to go from zero to one-hundred in after
the 2nd date. To top off my woes I frequently hear through
distant yet audible phone calls from my parents that there
is an ever-growing sense of urgency for me to get married
with each year I age. They`ve even seemed to do a good job
in asking the entire country of Korea to keep adding that
extra pressure on me, as every time I am introduced to a
new relative or a general acquaintance I`m immediately reminded
of my age and to stop fooling around as I should be married
by now.
The
extent of these societal pressures are even built into my
Korean language class curriculum as we have learned everything
from dating and describing the characteristics of the type
of girl you like to the age old `Get Married already!` phrases
that Korean elders say on ?? (seul-lal | Korean New Year)
to their grandchildren and children. The good part was that
I am now prepared to at least understand what my relatives
will say to me during the upcoming New Years allowing me
to feign a smile and nod my head in response. We learned
that during Korean New Year's there is a special portion
of the day when the children of the family present themselves
to the family elders and perform a special bow to them "??"
(sae-bae) and after the bow you get some advice along with
some cold-hard cash. The elder of the family will typically
give you advice on how to live your life during the upcoming
year. Typically it goes something like, `Have a healthy
and most prosperous new year and work/study hard to get
a good job or make lots of money;`
and
if the victim I mean advisee happens to be in that special
marrying age-range, `Find a good lady (man) and get married
already!` will also be given. If that`s not enough, there
are even a couple of special Korean sayings to tell someone
to get married. Such as, `?? ????` (bballi jang-gah ga-da)
said to men and literally meaning `Hurry up and go to your
father-in-law's.`Even better yet for women are told to `??
?? ??` (shee-jeeb bballi ga-da) which literally means `Hurry
up and go to your in-law`s house.` In the end, the importance
of marriage seems more important to the grandparents and
parents as they want to see with their own eyes that the
family name is carried on. The bonus for the newly married
man, not sure what it is for the women, is that the next
level of societal acceptance or level in status is reached
when one becomes a married man. It's even more special after
having kids as then you`ve truly become a man.
Don`t
kid yourself to think this pressure is limited to Korea
though. As demonstrated by some of my foolish friends back
home instead of being showered with farewells of `Have fun
discovering your roots while learning the Korean language,`
it was, `Good luck finding a wife!`
As for
life in Korea, I ever so frequently reminded of the social
pressure of marriage. My dating life has hit a dry spot
lately, but too much studying can be blamed. Don`t get me
wrong, as I`d love to start off a family of my own in the
future, especially considering that I`ve recently discovered
the joys of uncle hood, but I don`t want to get married
for the sake of it. These days too many people are rushing
`in` only to find out themselves wanting `out` just as quickly
as they got in. Call me a fool, better yet a romantic, but
I am still waiting to meet my somebody. Regardless of where
I am in the world, I won`t settle for second best.
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